Oh no, I said when Sydney suggested that we get store-bought dough for our iPhone app holiday cookies. We are NOT half-assing this.
Now, I’m no newb to nerd cookies: last year I made a bajillion completely awesome Falloutcookies with my then-boyfriend. And after declaring our love for the internet with Hashtag and Retweet Halloween costumes this year, Sydney and I knew we could step it up for the holiday season and bring our A-game. So, I busted out the Joy of Cooking, and flipped to the Rich Roll Cookies. It's the one with the additional stick of butter.
This is an incredibly easy recipe. You only need butter, sugar, flour, vanilla extract, and an egg. You do need some equipment, though, and I lost the Kitchen Aid in the divorce (as my mom calls my break-up). Sydney’s mom had a handheld electric mixer that seemed up to the task. It wasn’t. We had about 85% of the flour mixed into the dough when it started to smoke. We turned it off before it went up like a Christmas tree in a hookah bar, but had to manually mix in the rest of the flour.
Of course, for roll cookies, you’re supposed to have a rolling pin. Rolling pin, shmolling pin; we used a wine bottle. Proper kitchen tools are for sissies.
Plus, we had a system. Always, always have a system.
Being the gentle one, I rolled; being better with sharp objects, Sydney cut them out with the lid of a tea tin. Once you get these cut out, they bake in ten minutes flat and you’re well on your way.
The next step was decorating. We got big tubs of white and chocolate store-bought frosting. (Okay, fine, we half-assed a little). I also had regular and neon food coloring sets. So, about eight colors total.
Fact: Twitter and Foursquare are not the same blue. And most of the apps are two-toned. It’s well worth your time to make several shades of blue: the color is what makes the apps recognizable, and honestly, you’re only going to be so precise with soft, gooey frosting.
For piping, we used plastic sandwich bags. We dropped in a dollop of frosting and snipped a tiny hole in the corner. What came next was a little intense:
Where’s the [expletive] green frosting!? Sydney demanded.
It's not my [expletive] job to mix your [expletive] frosting! I shot back, smudging chocolate frosting on the white T of the New York Times App.
Sydney flicked me off with a frosted finger.
[Expletive] this [Expletive]! I yelled. I need a damn massage!
No pain, no gain, I suppose.
And so, we brought the cookies to work to share. Because that’s the point. To be nice and stuff. Watching people eat them was a little bit like watching our children get eaten, though. We worked really hard on those babies.
The consensus was, however, that they were pretty frickin’ cute, and pretty damn tasty. (Tasty was a bonus, because our primary focus was being cute.) But like I said, we don’t screw around when we’re geeking out, holiday style.
Happy Holidays!
Now, I’m no newb to nerd cookies: last year I made a bajillion completely awesome Falloutcookies with my then-boyfriend. And after declaring our love for the internet with Hashtag and Retweet Halloween costumes this year, Sydney and I knew we could step it up for the holiday season and bring our A-game. So, I busted out the Joy of Cooking, and flipped to the Rich Roll Cookies. It's the one with the additional stick of butter.
This is an incredibly easy recipe. You only need butter, sugar, flour, vanilla extract, and an egg. You do need some equipment, though, and I lost the Kitchen Aid in the divorce (as my mom calls my break-up). Sydney’s mom had a handheld electric mixer that seemed up to the task. It wasn’t. We had about 85% of the flour mixed into the dough when it started to smoke. We turned it off before it went up like a Christmas tree in a hookah bar, but had to manually mix in the rest of the flour.
Of course, for roll cookies, you’re supposed to have a rolling pin. Rolling pin, shmolling pin; we used a wine bottle. Proper kitchen tools are for sissies.
Plus, we had a system. Always, always have a system.
Being the gentle one, I rolled; being better with sharp objects, Sydney cut them out with the lid of a tea tin. Once you get these cut out, they bake in ten minutes flat and you’re well on your way.
The next step was decorating. We got big tubs of white and chocolate store-bought frosting. (Okay, fine, we half-assed a little). I also had regular and neon food coloring sets. So, about eight colors total.
Fact: Twitter and Foursquare are not the same blue. And most of the apps are two-toned. It’s well worth your time to make several shades of blue: the color is what makes the apps recognizable, and honestly, you’re only going to be so precise with soft, gooey frosting.
For piping, we used plastic sandwich bags. We dropped in a dollop of frosting and snipped a tiny hole in the corner. What came next was a little intense:
Where’s the [expletive] green frosting!? Sydney demanded.
It's not my [expletive] job to mix your [expletive] frosting! I shot back, smudging chocolate frosting on the white T of the New York Times App.
Sydney flicked me off with a frosted finger.
[Expletive] this [Expletive]! I yelled. I need a damn massage!
No pain, no gain, I suppose.
And so, we brought the cookies to work to share. Because that’s the point. To be nice and stuff. Watching people eat them was a little bit like watching our children get eaten, though. We worked really hard on those babies.
The consensus was, however, that they were pretty frickin’ cute, and pretty damn tasty. (Tasty was a bonus, because our primary focus was being cute.) But like I said, we don’t screw around when we’re geeking out, holiday style.
Happy Holidays!
